Jelena and Milena by Jelena Radusinovic
Parallel Story #4
Milena & Jelena
Slovenia & Montenegro
This parallel story was put forward by APIS Institute (Slovenia) for Movement
The story about Milena and Jelena is a story about two women from different generations, and different backgrounds but united in one family, and connected through their unique experience of migration. Milena started her migration in Belgrade, continued in Slovenia (her home country) and in the name of love and a united family concluded in Montenegro. Jelena's starting point 30 years later was Montenegro. Belgrade was just a temporary stop, but to Ljubljana in Slovenia (her mother-in-law Milena's home) she went for the very same reason as Milena went to Montenegro: she followed her life companion to preserve the family. This is the shared value of both women, wrapped in love, together and connected.
Milena’s Story
Milena was born in Belgrade, Serbia, in 1948. Both of her parents are Slovenians who lived in Belgrade, where they met. Milena's father was stationed in Belgrade as a Yugoslav army officer and her mother was a nurse. They lived in Belgrade until Milena was six years old, then they moved to Ljubljana in Slovenia, where she started to go to school.
As a young woman, she met Baco, a Montenegrin man who came to Ljubljana to study architecture. They married when she was 21 years old. Milena gave birth to three sons, but unfortunately, her first child died. In 1979 there was a severe earthquake in Montenegro and her husband wanted to return to his homeland to help with rebuilding it. Milena was 30 at that time.
At first they lived with her husband's family in a smaller town close to the capital. Life there was simple and much less comfortable than in Ljubljana. They both had replaced good and reliable jobs, and a comfortable, well-off life in the capital of Slovenia, for a new beginning in a more conservative and closed society. For some reason, probably due to Milena's open, sincere, and talkative character, her integration was smooth. She didn't complain, despite the fact that she went from a centrally heated apartment to one warm room in the house, from running tap water in the house to the only water supply being in the yard. She admits that she herself did not yet know how very flexible she was.
It is true that the language, a frequent barrier to migration abroad, was not a problem for her. She was fluent in the Serbian language (spoken in Montenegro and also an official language in former Yugoslavia) and Montenegro, just like Slovenia, was part of Yugoslavia. So she actually migrated within the same country into a different nation. Nevertheless, the mentality of the people, as well as the standard, was quite different. Milena, with her openness, spontaneity, and eloquence, brought free-thinking ideas and progress. She taught young mothers more advanced handling of babies, for example. She was the only woman who went to the only hotel in town for coffee, and the only one who went to the cinema with her husband to watch a movie with erotic content.
After a year in Montenegro's countryside they moved to Podgorica, the capital. Life there was more open and Milena met some of her best friends there. She also started her own business. She had a kiosk with wood and glass products from Slovenia and Serbia, as well as jewelry and other products that she made herself.
When the war broke out in Yugoslavia, the kiosk had to close. She took a pedicure course and a state exam in Belgrade and then opened her small lounge in a former children's room. The business went well for her and many famous people were regular customers. Unfortunately, she had to stop the business again, because her husband got cancer and they went to Slovenia for medical treatment.
For Milena, her family is everything. She never regretted her move to Montenegro - they were constantly in contact with her family in Slovenia, they used to spend holidays in Croatia, she kept in touch with her friends in Slovenia and gained new best friends in Montenegro as well. She can say she lives her life fully and she learned many things. She loves life and she still enjoys it fully.
Jelena’s Story
Jelena is a Montenegrin who grew up in a pleasant and safe environment. She entered Milena's family through Milena’s younger son Nikola. Jelena and Nikola met in Podgorica when he was working in his father's architectural office and she worked in a bar in the same building. It was at the beginning of this millennium. They married soon after and like Milena, Jelena was very young at the time, in her early twenties. Later they lived in Belgrade for a while, where Nikola had to finish his studies in architecture. Interestingly enough, he could have gone to study architecture in Ljubljana, just like his father, as he had been accepted at the faculty, but he decided on Belgrade because it was closer to home. Later he searched for a job and one of the offers came from Germany, with first arrangement meetings in Ljubljana.
That's how they decided, almost overnight, to move to Ljubljana. Their son was about three years old, almost the same age as Nikola had been when his family moved from Slovenia to Montenegro.
For Jelena, Slovenia was another country. Yugoslavia no longer existed and although the two countries do not seem far apart, the differences in mentality and study opportunities were still quite large. As a sensitive soul, it was not easy for her to replace her familiar environment with an unknown one. She felt like a plant, uprooted from the home soil. At the same time, she knew she was capable of standing her ground and sticking up for herself.
Adapting to the Slovenian language was slow. In the beginning, she refused to speak Slovene and in a new environment she was reserved, she didn't dare to speak aloud. She needed time to adjust and relax. After a while, she became more open. She realized most of the people like to speak Serbian with her, but it can also be fun when she is trying to express herself in Slovene. Jelena knows her mother-in-law – Milena - experienced similar situations in Montenegro, though in general Milena's adjustment was easier and she was much more familiar with the language of her new environment.
After three years Jelena started to enjoy the benefits of her new country. She discovered a new type of freedom that in Montenegro she wouldn't have been able to afford. At the same time, she is aware that the experience of migration enriched her. In Montenegro, she would be one among many similar plants, the same as everybody else. Here she is special and unique, recognized as a foreigner from afar. This gives her added value which she is especially grateful for. Just like Milena brought her open and free mentality to Montenegro society, Jelena found her freedom in Slovenia, the country Milena came from.
For these two women, the cycle of migration connects in two generations. Milena started her life journey as a baby in Belgrade, she was born in another culture than her parents were coming from, which, in a way, prepared her for her future life adventures. Growing up in the center of Ljubljana, in an open-minded bourgeois environment at the time of former Yugoslavia, has shaped her into a free and confident person who can adapt to any situation. Her love and devotion to her husband and family brought her to Montenegro, where she enriched her life probably more than she would have in Slovenia. Jelena, born and raised in Montenegro in the eighties, along with Milena's son, slightly reversed the path. From Podgorica, capital of Montenegro, they went to Belgrade, Serbia, and only then back to the source, into a magnificent town apartment in the very center of Ljubljana, near which Jelena also found her artistic space and freedom.
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